Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Looking up, ahead and into future

It is difficult to remain optimistic when you feel the claws of depression digging into your soul. Be it post natal or regular, depression has a way of taking every moment of happiness you have and glazing it with a shroud of darkness. Experiencing happiness becomes an upward climb and getting out of bed becomes an almost impossible task. The meaning of life and the joy it brings becomes a riddle difficult to crack. I was stuck in this situation, still goes back to the dark place occasionally, with joy being sucked out me. I finally understood the concept of dementors from Harry Potter books.

However, there is one tiny piece of crystal that shines and shimmers oh so brightly in the sunlight that has come to my rescue. The one tiny piece of crystal, which with its brightness, musical sound and nimble touch holds me tight to the world of happiness every day. It is my most precious possession,  the prettiest jewel I own, my daughter. Every day, I wake up and am scared to face yet another stressful day at work and wonders if I should get up at all. That feeling of fear disappears when I look at her sleeping face and know that it will be alright. I come back from yet another strenuous day, tired and infuriated. All that disappears when I see my little toddler jumping and wriggling in joy, waiting to come into my lap. My sleeplessness, my fear, my frustrations and fear...everything vanishes with a mere touch of her little fingers across my face.

Her antics and actions make me laugh and I forget my worries. I call her my lucky charm, and she truly is, bringing joy and peace with her. She claps her hands, moves around on all fours and laughs impishly, little knowing the effect she has on me. She can be quite a handful too...she has learned to get down and back up on the cot, she has learned that steel vessels when banged can make a lot of noise, shoe rack is her favourite hang out place and vessels in kitchen draws are never safe from her grasp.  She has quite a temper, mind you, and is quite good at histrionics already.

Yet, I would never have it any other way. I love to spend time teaching her to say mamma and papa, helping her walk and showing her the wonders only a one year old will be able to see in this old world. Where life seemed pointless earlier, it seems with purpose. Where it seemed hollow, life seems primed for an adventure with my baby girl. She has taught me what loving unconditionally means, and I enjoy the sensation immensely.

Her laughter and her naughty looks are what anchor me to the now, the present. It is these little presents that she shower me with that has taught me to laugh and forget about yesterdays and the impending tomorrows. I am sure that she will clutch my fingers with her little fingers and guide me into sunlight every time darkness threatens to veil me.  So my dear dearest....Thank you, thank you for being  mine. I will forever strive to stay in the light for you.

This blog post has been written in association with Housing.com (https://housing.com/lookup)