Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Fifty Reasons to Live, Love and Laugh

This post is an important one for the Princess of Procrastination, a.k.a me. Having tried and failed at blogging multiple times, creating and maintaining this blog has been a challenge, to say the least. It's a miracle that has been achieved with the help of Stats Button, the wonderful people who have taken time to comment on my posts, and the even better lot who decided to follow my blog... (No clue why they decided to bring it upon themselves, but anyways...)

I wanted to make this post a special one....50th one and all...and so decided to write about the three blessings we have been bestowed with...Life, Love and Laugh....I'm writing about 50 things that remind us of these blessings, in their own little ways... I don't know how far this is going to be successful but here goes...

1. Waking up early morning and being able to see the sunrise.
2. Playing with squirt guns and running around like crazy.
3. Being able to meet up with your family or call them, or at least keep in touch with them regularly over web.
4. Being able to hold a baby in your hands and see her or him smile at you.
5. Gazing at sky at night, and be able to see a sky strewn with stars.
6. The smell of first rain after summer.
7. Being able to walk bare foot on beach.
8.  Watching a movie and laughing till your stomach hurts.
9. Playing on a swing set.
10. Playing with water, letting it flow through the fingers and feeling the coolness.
11. Flying a kite.
12. Talking to a three year old and being able to answer all of his or her questions.
13. Finding an old diary and reading through the entries.
14. Watching a movie you had watched as a kid and realize that you enjoy it as much still.
15. Reminiscing about the first kiss of yours.
16. Meeting an old friend out of the blue and talking and catching up on what's happening.
17. Being able to crack a puzzle you have been working on for a long time.
18. Getting a surprise and enjoying it, however small or big it is.
19. The smell of books, both old and new.
20. Getting into a tickle fight and laughing till your eyes well up with tears.
21. Walking hand in hand with your special someone in comfortable silence.
22. Sleeping in, wrapped up cosily, on a winter morning, without worrying about something that needs to be done or missing an appointment you have.
23. Walking on a green trail and finding different types of flowers and trees, and admiring every one of them.
24. Smell of vanilla, lavender and passion fruit.
25. Tasting a freshly made dish, straight out of the pan.
26. The smell of your mother's cooking as soon as you step inside your home.
27. Sleeping and waking up with your loved one.
28. The wet and sloppy licks your dog gives you when you've come back home after a long day.
29. A bear hug from a friend, especially on a tough day.
30. Being able to cross out an item from your bucket list as Achieved.
31. Making something of your own, however small it is.
32. Being able to make some one's day special doing one of those small things...maybe making them smile, giving them a hug or just giving them a compliment.
33. Giving and receiving compliments gracefully.
34. Talking, joking and spending quality time with friends.
35. Excitement of going on a trip.
36. Watching a baby sleep, and see her or him smiling in sleep.
37. Meeting your grandparents and getting to be a kid around them again.
38. Being able to tell your parents "I'll take care of it" and be able to follow through your promise.
39. Making friends with kids you meet at parks, shopping malls, trains....and any other place. 
40. Enjoying a quiet day at home with your favorite songs and a new book.
41. Relishing the first bite of something you have been craving to eat since a long time.
42. Remembering a joke and smiling/laughing later.
43. Missing the special someone when he or she is not around, however short they have been gone for.
44. Buying something new and waiting to go back home and try it on.
45. Seeing a rainbow after a hours of rain and gloom.
46. Reading a book and laughing out loud while on a bus or train. The amused looks and smiles that comes after that as well.
47. Knowing that you are surrounded by family and friends who will stand by you when you're going through tough times.
48. Calling Mom and Dad only to hear their voices when the day has been exceptionally hard.
49. Dancing through your favorite set of songs without worrying about who's watching and who's not.
50. Getting appreciation for something well done....and when someone says that they know they can trust you.

This is not a comprehensive list, neither will it be because these are the random fifty things that came into my mind....I know that you have your own list of things that make you feel happy for being around... You are welcome to add on to the list...or write your own list...I'd love to read what you guys have to say...

Once again, thank you for taking the time to go through this blog and bearing with its quirky owner...and thanks for all the comments, support and friendship shared.... Love ya all.



Me

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Three Beautiful things: Visiting Sister, Home Cooking and Laughs

Okay, it was good day spent with my in laws and here's the three beautiful things for the day:

1. I met my sister on my way home, because she stays somewhere close to my home town, and it was a nice feeling. It almost felt like old times when I had to push her out of bed...The time spent with her was too short and left me wishing I had more time...but then, I'm glad I met her...

2. My mom-in-law is an amazing cook, and the simplest of dishes made taste like heaven...well it should, when you cannot manage to cook to save your life. She had prepared our favorites for lunch and it was....gastronomic heaven.

3. We had a family dinner at one of Prince Charming's uncle's house and the whole time there was spent joking around and laughing...I get along well with his cousins, and it was fun to get together with them and didn't leave till it was really late.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Okay..I'm in for another busy weekend...so doing the Six Words post again...


Long drive, back home, meeting family... :)


Need to get some sleep...will get back with a post real soon...


Happy weekend everyone!


Toodles


Me.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Disturbing Thought

This is not a happy post...I don't think there's anything happy that's discussed here...if you are going to read it, please do so at your own risk...

Dear God,

I heard a really disturbing piece of news a few days ago…something that left me worried and upset…I heard about a girl’s attempt to get away from home to avoid sexual advances from her father…

For someone who comes a from a very protective family, and having a father who cannot bear us going through the smallest of pains, this news was something that left me angry and worried, mostly worried, about the girl, and any other girl, who had to face this threat from within her own home, her refuge, the one place she’s supposed to feel safe at.

What I don’t get is, how can someone who’s a father, a brother, an uncle or a cousin, can even think of doing such a thing as subjecting these girls to so much pain…I don’t believe this is something that can be blamed on any chemical combustion happening in the brains of these people and shelved titled as ‘mental instability’ or ‘mentally deranged’...I firmly believe these acts of injustice comes from the belief that these abuses will never really get out in the open…why? Because the victims would never dare to speak up… and why is that….because they’d be ostracized…blamed, told that they had brought it upon themselves…really, I mean, really?

Today, I watched this video which showed Dr. Sunitha Krishnan speak about sexual slavery...and about child abuse…


The talk was not just thought provoking and moving... it hit a chord somewhere inside me . This video left me tearful and I was left wondering if I was doing anything for the society…or was just happy belonging to this little world of mine.

As I finished watching the video, I could only imagine all the fear, pain and embarrassment every one of those girls must have gone through…these girls had been subjected to rapes, pushed into brothels and used as sex toys by men who thought nothing of it…I don’t even know whether they’d ever get over the shock they would have gone through.

I remember hearing someone I know comment that “she must have provoked him in some way” in response to news about a lady who had filed a sexual harassment case against someone prominent in the society…really…how provocatively would  a three year old or four year old have dressed to have gone through this cruelty called gang rape. How provocatively would any thirteen year old going to school be dressed to be faced by a flasher who thinks he can get away with his means of perverted entertainment….how provocatively would a middle aged woman hurrying to work have dressed to be groped indecently in a crowded bus or train….

And why is it that we find it easier to blame the victim than having the guts to stand up for them… there was a particular sex scandal that had done the rounds a few years back, where a seventeen year old girl was lured from her home under false promises of being cast in movies….The girl had been used sexually by scores of men and admitted in hospital in critical condition by the time media attention was garnered ….

There was much discussion on the topic…debates and hour long discussions…the media celebrated the latest bit of juicy news they had chanced upon…no one said anything publicly, but the murmurs off line…the girl deserved what she got!

Why?, you may ask…well, she was foolish enough to believe that someone would help her dream come true…And perhaps, it was easier to blame her. It’s always the victim’s mistake….who asked them to be too ambitious…who asked them to be there at the wrong place at the wrong time…heck, if the society had a chance to ask the question; who asked them to be alive at all… right? Precisely…!

And all of us, safe and secure, sitting warmly in our homes and making these comments do not realize that we aren’t any better than these animals….we judge, we ostracize, we ignore, we ridicule. And we move on…but here’s something to ponder on…what if…what if this happened to one of us…or one of our dear ones…would we still be as unaffected as we are now…or would we choose to react…or would we, once again, choose to further judge and condemn and cast away the victim and continue sitting on our thrones of self righteousness…. Think about it…

And as to those people, the high and mighty who got away with it all, the faceless strangers who must be voicelessly laughing and celebrating over having gotten away so easily…no jail and no noose would be enough…in my opinion…castrate them….castrate them and leave them to repent for the rest of their lives…and I hope at least that would teach them what it means to go through pain, and suffer like those they chose to torture, torment and snigger at…

A very upset someone

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

I know I'm terribly late, but Happy Thanksgiving, people....!


This is not an occasion we celebrate here, but I'd all the same like to know to all about it...the significance, how you celebrate it, everything...

I hope everyone's having a good time...waiting to hear all about it...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Twit Twit Twitter...

I had been trying to stay away from Twitter for a long time now...Why? I don't know...but then, I decided to check it out and finally created a Twitter account... look at who's flapping the wings, clearing the throat, and trying to tweet....



And looking like there's a pebble stuck in throat! Me of course,...I've no clue...I've no clue what should be done and how this whole thing works and have been staring at the screen hoping for the blue bird to come alive and tell me what to do...(I know there's an FAQ page....but have I also told you how pathetically impatient I am?)

And if you want to find me on Twitter, please look to the right hand side of the page....that's the best I could do!

And how ironical is it that the caterpillar had to open account with a website that had a blue bird on the front page...hmm...I guess that accounts for the unexplained fear!!!

Un-Domestic Goddess

Based on colenic’s post here, I thought I’d write the post below:

My mom’s someone who you could call a Domestic Goddess…at least, for me she’s the ultimate Domestic Goddess… 

As a child I remember the house always, always, always being spotlessly clean, aesthetically decorated, the beds always made, clothes always folded and stacked up neatly in wardrobes,  tasty smells wafting from the kitchen…A very pleasant childhood memory.

According to me, my mom was the Super Mom...unexpected guests staying for dinner? No worries…she’d get the dinner out in no time… a New Year party to be hosted?…as easy as eating a pie, she had it all under control...she knew how to host amazing parties...

We enjoyed the party preparations just as much because we were her taste testers…a week prior to the party, every day back from school, we’d get to indulge our sweet tooth with the latest dessert she had tested in preparation for the party…you needed a picture for school, a craft project that needed some help...she'd be there, getting it done in no time.

I guess she would have hoped that both her daughters would inherit the qualities of a good home maker from her…but only a part of her hope came true…my sister is this aesthetically inclined, amazingly cooking, creative minded girl and I am…well, me!

I am someone who’d only turn around and take a good look at the home, and the clothes, the books, strewn bills, shopping bags and everything else until it’d get dangerously close to the point where I’d have to crawl from underneath them… 

Clothes out of dryer, no worries…they are excellent items to decorate the bed in the spare bedroom…I promise….did you know that piled up washed clothing look like a very colorful little hill…I guess not!

Did you also know that unfolded clothes stuffed into your wardrobe  act like an avalanche the next time you open it…you didn’t, did you? Neither did I until I decided to hunt for a dress ten minutes before I had to rush out for work. 

Also, that if you don’t taste the food you cook, you might as well be brewing a very dangerous potion of some kind (very inedible as well) that might not look all bubbling and green and slimy but will leave the tasters with a gastronomic scare for the rest of their lives. 

My curtains are uncoordinated, the beds made always end up with creases,the things arranged in the display cabinets follow no particular order or theme...unless you decided 'Chaotic' was a theme, and I have watered enough plants to death to know that I’d never be able to manage a green space for myself…

The one place I've managed to get in order so far is the cabinet where I store my books...and well, bills and other important documents....the two most important things in life... (mine, at least!)
I've tried time and again to improve, to at least act like a good home maker if not be one, but then, I've always been a terrible terrible actor...

But then, there are days when unrestrained spurts of energy coupled with the complete misapprehension that practice makes perfect forces me to run about the house, trying to dust and clean and cook and polish the door knobs till they shine... and then drop down tired once the energy is burnt out...I normally choose to  intentionally keep my eyes averted while crossing the spare bed room, get the bills stacked up and stuffed into folders, cook under Prince Charming's (who's a much reliable cook BTW) supervision....and stuff even more clothes into the wardrobe when no one's looking... (every girl has her own secrets, doesn't she!)

So then, yeah….these are the few glimpses I'd allow into this Un-Domestic Goddess’s life right now.

 If I’d be asked to rate myself on a scale of one to ten on how good a domestic goddess I am…I’d say 1…1.5 at best… 

So...I'd like to know... what would be your score???

Mid Week Crisis

Dear God,

The week so far has not been quite too well... There seems to be issues coming up one after the other, and right about now, I'm tired....I'm absolutely tired...

My laptop from work has crashed....again....well, technically speaking, it's not crashed this time, it's something with the motherboard...so they say...I don't understand any of it...the only thing I know is that all those projects I was working on, all the stuff I had saved...is gone!!! It's gone and I have no clue how to get it back...It's frustrating when it keeps happening time and again, but seems like there isn't much I can do about it...All I can do is system hopping until I get a laptop fixed up for me...

I've ended up with a sprained back...I really have no idea how I managed to do that but then it's painful all the same...as I told one of my friends, if it gets any worse, every time I bend and get up, I would hear my back creaking. But guess what, that's still not got me off the Blogger...so I guess it'd be okay to call me "Bloggadict" !!!

The insomniac in me is up and about....and is having a jolly good time, from the look of it...I cannot manage to sleep....and tossing and turning isn't an option, so all I can do is lie down on my back and look at the ceiling...got to say...very entertaining!!! At the end of very long two days, I'd like to get some shut eye but doesn't seem like that's going to happen any time soon. 

Thank you for hearing me out...

The very Frustrated Me


 

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

100 words blog: Shades of Blue


The first time the color attracted me was when I peered up at the sky as a six year old.

 The morning sky was strewn with white cotton-like clouds. The sky was light…and bright, as any six year old’s mind would be when she tried to find shapes in clouds. 

From then on, the color has been a part of my life…color of my life…robin’s egg blue on bright days, the sunny moments of my life, turquoise blue, on days of retrospection.

And deepest blue, when mind takes a downward spiral  and chooses to be alone…     

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Okay.....It seems like I'm in for a real busy weekend....so I'm doing the Six Word Saturday today...

Friends at Home, Going Out, Fun!!!!

Yeah, so that's what's going on...Enjoy the weekend, guys!!!

Friday Recap

This IS a post which is completely opinionated and might not interest all of you... but then, I had to rant so...

This has been one of those days where you'd pray you'd get a chance to breath.... it has been a really really busy day and it doesn't even feel like Friday... I was working under the belief that today's Thursday until Prince Charming pointed out to me that it's Friday already... and I was gleeful...coz according to my crazed brain, that meant that I had skipped a day of office (though technically, that wasn't the case..but then...who am I to argue!)

So then, I did a skip and a hop and walked into office looking forward to a lazy Friday... could I be any more wrong... it was a really busy day, but then I did manage to squeeze in some time to check out the Blog world...

Today, I thought I'd do a post on things that made me go 'yayy' and 'WTF' alternatively...

The 'Yayy' s

1. Guess who's going for ...



Me, me, me of course..... I'm quite excited about it and haven't been able to shut up about it all day... yeah, you guessed it right... it has been a tough day for my colleagues...

2. I had a nice chat with my friends at work...I was down in the dumps about something but then these amazing people have a way of making me laugh and get the frown off my face in no time at all...

3. A nice chat with my sister. Knowing that she's happy and having fun makes me happy.

Now to the 'WTF's

1. The only thing I seem to be hearing about since the last two days is Big Boss (The Indian version of Big Brother) and how Pamela Anderson has come into the house. I do not follow the show and have no inclination to do so... but then, all the news channels seem to be having a field day coz of 'Pam Effect'!!! I am fine with the show, and with the participants of the show..and with the people who follow the show... but give me a break!!! I'm not interested in being thrust in the face with continuous replay of  irritating brawls, pointless flings and a very provocatively dressed Pamela Anderson from the show the minute I switch on my TV.

2. A particular colleague who seems to have discovered that the game of sulking can be very entertaining and has been at it since last week. I know that this is the way he chooses to respond to a certain feedback that was given. I am reaching the end of my patience reserves when I see that 'I've lost it all look' and have to try very hard not to give him a smack on the head for being so childish.


3. The technological problems we faced at work. Well, no one's to blame here...just that it got the work delayed by a couple of hours and an otherwise relaxed day turned into a frantic one.

But then, all's well that ends well, right? So yeah, the day ended on a good note and yeah, I've got a weekend, a movie and a book waiting for me.....!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

T-T-T-T-Tagged!!!!!

I was tagged by a friend, Maria to do these questions….

Ha! Easy peasy….I thought, till I sat down to answer them…and Oh Dear God! , Wasn’t it difficult or what! After much pondering and wondering,  here are the answers I came up with...

1.Why did you create the blog?

Hmm….let’s see…this blog was created accidentally… (Honestly!)…All this curious caterpillar wanted to check was if this blog name was available... as I have said here. Before I knew, I had clicked my way into a new blog. This is not my first attempt at blogging…but this is the first blog I have been religiously updating on a regular basis…I consider this my journal where I can write about what keeps me happy, what makes me sad, things that matter to me and things I’d never be able to be convince myself about…in short, I look at my blog as my secret place to escape into…

And now that I’ve started, I guess I’m addicted…every day, I wake up wondering what to blog about, how to go about it, wondering if I’ve got any comments,…oh yeah, officially addicted to blogging!!!

2. What kind of blogs do you follow?

I follow blogs which are funny, thought provoking and positive in turn....I read blogs which tell me a little more about the writer, the day to day happenings, the latest craft project they worked on, the new recipe they tried…let’s just say, most of the blogs I come across.

3. Favorite makeup brand?

I’m not someone who uses a lot of make up….but I guess, right now, it's L’oreal stuff I have with me…



4. Favorite clothing brand?

Not a follower of brands when it comes to clothes…when it comes to anything, I guess. As long as I feel I'd be comfortable in a particular dress, I’ll pick it up, brand or no brand. 

5. Your indispensable makeup product?

Hmm… I guess that would be my moisturizer, lip balm, eye liner and kohl.


6. Your favorite color?

I’ve always liked sky blue and green…and these days, I’ve developed affinity for white as well.

7. Your perfume?

Not really a perfume girl either…I know, I know…boring!

I remember a vanilla based perfume my dad gifted my mom once. We were kids back then and Mom would spray a bit on us  while going out on special occasions… (if we were on our best behaviour…which was rare!). I have no clue what the name of that perfume is…I normally use deodorants which are either citrus-y or mildly floral.

8. Your favorite film?

Hmm…lots of them actually… Blind Side, Freedom Writers, Amelie…The Terminal…Forrest Gump, Patch Adams, Front of the Class, Erin Brockovich…Harry Potter series…Shrek…Madagascar, How to train Your Dragon, Beauty and the Beast… so many of them!!!



9. What country would you like to visit and why?

Country I’d like to visit… I’ve always wanted to go to Venice, so Italy I guess….



and Switzerland…I’ve heard that it’s a beautiful country and the chocolates…do I need to even say anything about the chocolates!!!



10. Write the last question and answer it yourself:

This is difficult… What was your reaction to being tagged to answer these questions?

I was really really happy, coz this is the first time I’m being tagged…but when it came to the questions…My mind went BLANK….BLANK…..BLANK….BLANK.



I wanted to write stuff that’s witty and nice and promoting World Peace,  but I’ve barely managed to scrape through…

However, in spite of the BLANK BLANK syndrome, I really enjoyed answering these questions. I'd have loved to tag a lot many more of you out there but then checked myself in time coz I know that that's not going to be easy... So then, here's the list I came up with... guys, consider yourself tagged.....!!!

SkippyMom
Asian Angel
Thisisme

Have fun!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Office Affair

Every day, I visit him at office at least once….and lingers on for a few moments…His quiet, composed presence is comforting and he, for me, is a blessing in disguise.

Most of the days, I go visit him at least once…if I don’t manage to, it leaves me upset and yearning.  On every visit, he never fails to excite me and puts me in a good mood.
On days I I walk into the office with heavy steps, sleep deprived and tired… my only consolation is the knowledge of his comforting presence in office. On such days, the frequency of these visits increase considerably. You would see me rushing to his side every two hours… If I try to cut down on these trips, I end up behaving like an addict pining for his favorite drug cocktail.  I would, kick, punch and put a hole in the head of anyone who’d try to keep me away from my beloved on these days. On days I don’t find him in his usual place, I return depressed and annoyed, eagerly waiting for his return.

I know that I’m infatuated with him, bordering on the lines of obsession, and just as any other infatuation, this fling would have its own consequences. But right now, I do not care about the aftermath and want to savor the moment.

Every time I think about him, it makes me smile…every time I’m around him, I’m cheerful and pleased and every time he goes missing, I’m upset beyond explanation… His gifts to me smell heavenly and taste like nectar…

Oh, what'd I do without you.....my dear, beloved coffee machine...the companion who transforms my office days from uneventful to jazzy...not just with the coffee, but with the chats, gossips and discussions with friends I manage to squeeze into these precious moments of indulgence in the middle of busy, busy days...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Swing and The Mango Tree

 Our father worked abroad…so did most of my uncles (on both my mom’s and dad’s side)… And so most of us were the NRI cubs who got to meet up with our cousins only when we came back home on our summer vacations.  And these summer vacations were the dream-come-true days for us, the bunch of apartment-reared kids. 

We used this valuable time to get completely tanned frolicking in the sun, get our arms and legs decorated with bug bites, smuggle pickled mangoes and gooseberries from the store room and feast on them, use the pool to show off our swimming skills and hold water fights and to attack the heavy laden mango trees, pluck raw and ripe mangoes and gorge on them all through the day.

We had a lonely mango tree standing in the corner of the courtyard at my mom’s house. From as long as I can remember, I had never seen that mango tree bearing fruits. This big, thick trunk-ed, abundantly branched out tree flowered every summer but never gave us any fruit. Yet, it stood there, majestic, head held high, because fruit, or no fruit, this was the tree that was loved unconditionally because he was the bearer of our swing set every vacation…

Though our gang remained mostly unanimous on the plan for every other prank and game to be played for the day, there was one thing all of us coveted for…an unlimited access to the swing set which was set up temporarily on the branch of Mr. Mango Tree.  It was the first thing we clamored for as soon as we reached home turf …and which our grand mom foresaw every time the summer vacations approached, I believe…The swing would be ready by the time we had settled in, and then began the fight on whose chance it was to use it.  After many bargains and trading, the turns to use it would be decided (though never adhered to) and the fun began…There were challenges thrown to each other on the heights that could be scaled using the swing, whirling round and round till we got dizzy and giggling through the dizziness and when in particularly a benevolent mood, sharing the swing seat with our closest friend in the group.    

A dreamer, even as a kid, I remember being the one who spent most of the time on the swing, even after everyone else grew tired of it. Somehow, being able to be play on it was something I found exhilarating…it was my chance to saunter into my dream world…where I’d riding on a very fast horse, in pursuit of the villainous pirates I had to capture…or flying on the magic carpet…or at times, acting out the part of a  fearless adventurer who was on his way through valleys and mountains, trying to scale greater heights.…I was the one who stationed myself permanently on the swing, with or without my books, and chose to either lazily sway on, lost in my book or go on yet another one of adventure trips, with the breeze blowing in my face as I flew higher and higher on the swing.

Now that all of us have become all grown up and busy entangled in the webs of adult life, the swing had been removed from the branches of Mr. Mango Tree…and ever since, he had stood there, ignored, alone and forlorn, no longer surrounded by the gang of rowdy kids, no longer an audience to the many games, plays and fights, no longer a silent listener of the jokes, laughs and the general clamor that only a bunch of kids can make.

On my every trip back home, I saw the lonely tree, magnificent and green, a remembrance of our childhood times…The last time I went back home, though, I saw that Mr. Mango Tree had reached the end of his life and had toppled over in a storm that had hit my hometown.  I felt strangely sad for him and silently mourned his demise.

Me, the dreamer, have moved to a different city and have found solace in the swing sets in a local park. I have received my fair share of amused stares (from parents) and friendly grins (from the kids)…I even made friends with a few of those kids on swings on one of my trips to the park.  Yet, once in a while, I remember Mr. Mango Tree, who, in all his grandeur, played a prominent role in making the childhood memories of this gypsy kid a little bit more colorful. And some day, I know that I will have my own Mr. Mango Tree, planted in the memory of the one who had ceased to stand alone, majestic and head held high.  

Monday, November 15, 2010

Mission Confrontation

I have told it before, and here I tell it again....I have major issues when it comes to confrontation...I cannot go through with confronting someone whatever the issue at hand is.

You gossiped about me behind my back...maybe I'll just avoid you...you took my project idea...no problem, I'll just be more discreet....you tried to hit me on the head with a club...hey, hey, hey....I'm still alive and that's what I should be glad for, right?...you get the general idea??? Yeah, that's me alright.

I have always had trouble confronting people when a problem comes up and choose to walk away from the issue, bubbling and boiling inside, rather than stand my ground and tell them what I really think.  Every time I come across a situation I feel would result in a confrontation, I sense my palms getting sweaty, heart beating rapidly and myself clamming up, not being able to think through the haze that clouds my mind. I normally choose to remain silent than talk (what'd I talk anyways, when I've lost my ability to even think) and get upset about something that happened or was said without trying to sort it out. Sometimes, I wonder if I am the reincarnation of the household doormat.

I've been trying to get over my fear of confrontation for some time now...and an opportunity presented itself on last Friday. I have a friend who works in a different location from mine. Let’s call him the Techie Guy…So, I have occasional chats with him and we have become good friends over the last few months.  It has been a good friendship so far, and I’m glad that’s been the case…

On last Friday, around the time I was going to get out from work, I did my regular bye’s n take care’s and the Techie Guy said something to the tune of…”it will get boring once you leave”, and pray why would that be?, coz I’m “just someone to talk to!!!” as per his conversational snippet…

It would be fair to say I was upset…and angry of course. Any guesses what I did next?  I chose to ignore the comment and act like nothing happened…but then, I felt I didn’t want to leave it unaddressed and dropped hints that I was irritated without  really telling him why I was irritated. I logged off, fuming at him and cursing myself for clamming up yet again and not doing anything about it.

On my way back home, I played back in my mind all those times when I had chosen to walk away rather than face an issue and sort it out and the repercussions of my decision to do so. And I decided that it was time I told people how I really felt instead of trying to be nice just because I didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

So, that’s exactly what I did.  Since, I have a work from home option, I logged right back into office network once I was back home. I didn’t take time to think about what I was doing because I knew that the more I thought about it, the higher the chances of my dropping the plan.

As soon as I logged in, I tried checking to see if he was still online…and once I found him, I messaged him without stopping to think about it twice. After the initial pleasantries, I got directly to the point and told him about what had irritated me…and why it had irritated me.

He appeared genuinely apologetic and said it was a mistake he wouldn’t repeat… I felt like I had a boulder taken off my chest and sensed myself relaxing… I know…it is no big deal…it was just a misunderstanding cleared up. But for me, it was the first time I had told a friend what I really thought and realized that it was alright to do that. On second thoughts I wouldn’t even call it a real confrontation but then, I’m glad I did it anyways…!

So then, yeah, that’s why I chose to call this post Mission Confrontation….and the status? Accomplished, of course!!!