Monday, December 27, 2010

Mr.Spider's Tales

My first ever attempt at writing a poem dealing with fantasy characters...something like a fairy tale I guess...looking for constructive criticism.
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On a dark, dark night,
Against a starry, shimmering, sky.
A web of stories, wits,
Mr Spider spins on.
To tell you, to rock you asleep,
To take you away, far away to the land of sleep.
The rhythm of words, charming
He spins on and on, in the dark, black night...
The story teller, his tales show you,
Valleys and streams, in the land of dreams.
'Purest of forms', he croons,
'Fairest of them, faster than air,
Horns as strong as hardest white stone,
Unicorns, my dears, we should all be'.
'May purest of thoughts adorn your mind,
May your actions, fair, speak for you'.
Fast by mind, strong at heart,
Unicorns, my dears, we should all be.
On a dark, dark night,
Against a starry, shimmering, sky,
A web of stories, wits,
Mr.Spider spins on.
“Colorful, oh so colorful”, Mr Spider smiles,
'Long living, incense and pearls fed on.
Burning to ashes, yet springing back to life,
Phoenix, darlings, we should all be'.
'Let joy and love color your lives,
May fair thoughts, deeds and hopes, you feed on.
May failures, burn you to cinders, yet spring you to life,
A phoenix, darlings, we should all be'.
On a dark, dark night,
Against a starry, shimmering, sky.
A web of stories, wits,
Mr Spider spins on.
'Wasp like wings, fluttering, flying,
Giggles, sound of bells, so joyful', he winks.
'Nimble, skipping, sprinkling golden dust,
Fairies, sweet beings, we should all be'.
'May your dreams, flying, be your guiding light,
May sound of laughter never leave your heart.
Helping hands, favors, fairy dust, give without haste,
Fairies, sweet beings, we should all be'.
On a dark, dark night,
Against a starry, shimmering, sky.
A web of stories, wits,
Mr Spider spins on.
'Kind eyes, seeing all, yet smiling, trusting,
Harp in hand, feathered wings, joy giving'.
'Beacons of lights they shine, shadows thrown behind,
Angels, precious gems, we should all be'.
'May kindness, not hatred, adorn your eyes,
May light at heart, sweet words, you share,
Forgiveness, give foes, let malice fall behind,
Angels, precious gems, we should all be'.
On a dark, dark night,
Against a starry, shimmering, sky.
A web of stories, wits,
Mr Spider spins on.
To tell you, to rock you asleep,
To take you away, far away to the land of sleep.
The rhythm of words, charming
He spins on and on, in the dark, black night...
With the first rays of sun, he vanishes,
With the promises of stories, enchanting, yet to unveil,
The story teller, his tales wake you,
To a day, your day, to write your story anew.

17 comments:

  1. Well done! I thought you worked the form and content together really well here - the recurring lines making us think of the spider going round and round, spinning his web and spinning stories. Good stuff.

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  2. Beautifully written Cat - wow, impressive!

    I got the same imagery as Sharon did - the spinning. Neat. :)

    More please!

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  3. @Sharon: Wow...thanks...

    @SkippyMom:Thanks so much.... Grinning like an idiot now... :)

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  4. I can't believe you wrote that poem, Cat! It is seriously really good. I love the words and lines that you have used. I loved the piece from "Kind eyes".... right down to "Angels precious gems we should all be." Well done.

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  5. I love the part when you are saying
    '“Colorful, oh so colorful”, Mr Spider smiles, '

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  6. Wow! The imagery is splendid. I would love to see the poem illustrated. My favorite lines are in reference to the phoenix: 'Let joy and love color your lives,
    May fair thoughts, deeds and hopes, you feed on.
    May failures, burn you to cinders, yet spring you to life,
    A phoenix, darlings, we should all be'.

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  7. @Maria: Thanks... :)

    @Thisisme: Thank you...I'm glad you liked it

    @Nadh: Thanks a lot...

    @A.Cappelli: Thank you...I guess I'd like to see it illustrated as well....let's see...

    @Harman: Thanks...I'll surely come by...

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  8. Cat I really impressed. That was awesome. you really have a talent girl. Please keep them coming.
    Odie

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  9. Loved the poem. It was like a song, I could almost hear the melody. Great job!

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  10. Well done! I attempt to write poetry once in awhile not very successfully most of the time. Really liked this though. :-)

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  11. So beautiful, thanks for sharing!

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  12. very nicely done! loved the visual of the spider going around and around!

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  13. @Nari: Thanks..that's a great comment...

    @Happy Frog: I've got a problem writing stories...I never get them right...

    @Shopgirl: Thanks.... :)

    @Teresa: Thank you...

    @Christine: I'm happy you think so....

    Thanks everyone for the great comments...mwuaaaah!

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