Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You're next!!!

I remember reading this joke somewhere a long time ago:

"I always hated weddings because the elderly would come over and poke me saying "You're next.". They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals."

I wonder if they have a similar retort for all those people who think it's their duty to come up to me every time they see me and extol on the virtues of having a baby and then follow it up with "You're next". To top it, they throw in a cackle (if the attack's by a crowd) or give me the all knowing monk-like smile (if the attacker's alone).

 It seems like the baby making skills of so and so seems to be the hot topic of discussion in my town, and guess who's topping the list right now..Me of course! Every time I meet a well meaning relative or neighbor, the conversation steers towards the point in discussion, starting with harmless questions regarding the status quo (huh?) and moving on to tips, treatments and the best doctor in business if I don't make my escape soon. I guess that's what happens when you live in a town where every one makes it their business to know what's happening in every one else's life.

I know I have been married for five years and plus, thank you very much, but I'm sure that doesn't qualify me as a baby making machine. We want to have kids, we really do, but we would like to have kids because we want to, not because we couldn't take the social pressure any more.

The thought of attending another function where I'd have to hear the "You're next!" gives me a panic attack...and I hope I'd be able to come up with a real good retort pretty soon so that I'm spared from the "harmless enquiries" from now on.

Any suggestions?

8 comments:

  1. maybe if you started telling them you practice making them all the time they'll be so flabbergasted they'll hush up....

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  2. hehehehe.....sounds like a plan... :)

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  3. I like that response! You could try using it as an excuse to leave a dull event - well yes if I'm going to be next we better leave and get on with it see yay... hee hee. I get it so much that I am paranoid that if I am out and not drinking people will assume that I am pregnant.

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  4. @Louba...i totally understand....i either get congratulated or referred to some doctor by the know-it-alls.....next time, I should try either of the responses.... it'll be fun... :D

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  5. I get the same poke but it's regarding marriage. My usual response is "I'm a lesbian". That usually shuts them right up but you can't use that excuse. How about asking them when they will have their next child (regardless of age) then turn around and walk away. It may be curt but it isn't anyone's business as to when you will be expecting.

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  6. @Asian Angel.....hehehehe, I like your response... I just don't get any witty retorts when I really really need them....

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  7. I hate, hate, hate the guise of the "well meaning" family and friends that do this.

    I have all kinds of skippy retorts - I shall try to refrain from the profanity laden ones, 'kay? hee

    When they say "You're next"

    Respond:

    "Only if you go first." Regardless of age.
    "Really? Whatever for?" While feigning blondness [I get to say this. I am blond.]
    "I had NO idea [eyes wide] When's my due date?"
    "That's funny. Does my husband [wife] know?" all the while looking around nervously.
    "That's too bad. You see I have this terrible drug addiction that I should probably kick first as my doctor doesn't think it would be good for the baby." Okay, okay...no one is going to say that, but I wish.

    If they do it in front of the two of you grab your husband's hand and say, really loud "Well we better get started!" And then drag him away from those nosy nimwits.

    Hope that helps. If all else - do what I do - trip 'em. [I have the advantage of having a cane...but a foot works just as well. Less suspicious.]

    Good luck.

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  8. @SkippyMom....your suggestions were hilarious and made me laugh out loud...and I guess I will use one of these retorts the next time they come up to me and say "You're next!"

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