Monday, November 15, 2010

Mission Confrontation

I have told it before, and here I tell it again....I have major issues when it comes to confrontation...I cannot go through with confronting someone whatever the issue at hand is.

You gossiped about me behind my back...maybe I'll just avoid you...you took my project idea...no problem, I'll just be more discreet....you tried to hit me on the head with a club...hey, hey, hey....I'm still alive and that's what I should be glad for, right?...you get the general idea??? Yeah, that's me alright.

I have always had trouble confronting people when a problem comes up and choose to walk away from the issue, bubbling and boiling inside, rather than stand my ground and tell them what I really think.  Every time I come across a situation I feel would result in a confrontation, I sense my palms getting sweaty, heart beating rapidly and myself clamming up, not being able to think through the haze that clouds my mind. I normally choose to remain silent than talk (what'd I talk anyways, when I've lost my ability to even think) and get upset about something that happened or was said without trying to sort it out. Sometimes, I wonder if I am the reincarnation of the household doormat.

I've been trying to get over my fear of confrontation for some time now...and an opportunity presented itself on last Friday. I have a friend who works in a different location from mine. Let’s call him the Techie Guy…So, I have occasional chats with him and we have become good friends over the last few months.  It has been a good friendship so far, and I’m glad that’s been the case…

On last Friday, around the time I was going to get out from work, I did my regular bye’s n take care’s and the Techie Guy said something to the tune of…”it will get boring once you leave”, and pray why would that be?, coz I’m “just someone to talk to!!!” as per his conversational snippet…

It would be fair to say I was upset…and angry of course. Any guesses what I did next?  I chose to ignore the comment and act like nothing happened…but then, I felt I didn’t want to leave it unaddressed and dropped hints that I was irritated without  really telling him why I was irritated. I logged off, fuming at him and cursing myself for clamming up yet again and not doing anything about it.

On my way back home, I played back in my mind all those times when I had chosen to walk away rather than face an issue and sort it out and the repercussions of my decision to do so. And I decided that it was time I told people how I really felt instead of trying to be nice just because I didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

So, that’s exactly what I did.  Since, I have a work from home option, I logged right back into office network once I was back home. I didn’t take time to think about what I was doing because I knew that the more I thought about it, the higher the chances of my dropping the plan.

As soon as I logged in, I tried checking to see if he was still online…and once I found him, I messaged him without stopping to think about it twice. After the initial pleasantries, I got directly to the point and told him about what had irritated me…and why it had irritated me.

He appeared genuinely apologetic and said it was a mistake he wouldn’t repeat… I felt like I had a boulder taken off my chest and sensed myself relaxing… I know…it is no big deal…it was just a misunderstanding cleared up. But for me, it was the first time I had told a friend what I really thought and realized that it was alright to do that. On second thoughts I wouldn’t even call it a real confrontation but then, I’m glad I did it anyways…!

So then, yeah, that’s why I chose to call this post Mission Confrontation….and the status? Accomplished, of course!!!
 

9 comments:

  1. Congratualtions, and I'm glad it worked out so well! Now--do it some more! ;)

    I bet he was glad you told him rather than having the misunderstanding build and cause more problems.

    While there are always people who are just plain ole horse's patooties, the majority of people in the world are nice folks willing to listen if you just speak up and let them know how you feel. We won't get pissed--usually we had no clue we'd done anything wrong 'cause no one ever spoke up before, and you actually help us by making us aware.... As the saying goes, you can't fix what is wrong if no one has told you what the problem is--so tell them! (Can you tell I'm usually the one who bulldozes others without realizing it?)

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  2. Hi Caterpillar. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I am so like what you have described above!! I often think it's because I am such a wimp, but, sometimes, even good friends seem to think that they can say whatever they like to me and, hey, I'll just stand there and take it, because I don't want to upset anyone. In fact, you have given me an idea for a future blog!!

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  3. @A.Nichols: Thank you...I guess you are right... I do need to talk up more often...
    @Thisisme: I completely understand...I've been in similar situations too...maybe, we just need to tell them to stop when it goes overboard... :)

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  4. That's good for you, congrats :)

    When I read your story about your co-worker stealing your idea for a project I was furious with him and I wandered if that didn't make you angry enough to confront him... After reading this blog I realized that it's not that easy for everyone to confront someone. By doing this you risk a friendship or you risk loosing a good working environment. You risk a lot of things...
    If that's the case with you I understand your fears. But a friend is not a real friend if he/she doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't except your different opinion. And if he/she is offended because you confronted him/her... well, that's just not a good friend. And in this case you're actually not loosing anything.

    This confrontation is maybe small in someones eyes but it's a big step for you and you have to be proud about it. And take it as a boost for next confrontation.

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  5. @Starlight: Thank you, thank you, thank you..... :) Yes, it was indeed a big step for me and I'm glad I did it... It will definitely help me to handle similar situations...

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  6. Well done! I am also really bad at confrontation and today have had to deal with a serious issue regarding a colleague which I just can't ignore. Your example gives me hope that I can tackle it constructively :)

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  7. @Louba: I hope you were able to handle the situation well....

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  8. Good job. I'm horrible with confrontation also, afterwards I do the whole scenario in my head of what I should have said. That's a huge milestone you've crossed. Now kick ass and take names :)

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  9. @Sandy: That's exactly what I do most of the times... welcome to the club... :)

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